Eternal search!

Yet another fight, a fall out, with yet another person. She was being forced to question herself. Was something wrong with her? Was she the cause of the fights? She fought with her inner self for the answers. As her questions were met with silence, she sighed in despair. At that moment loneliness seemed to bite at every bone in her body. She got up and walked towards the gate. She stood at the gate, one hand on her chin, and the other firmly gripping the gate. She watched the road, the people. Whenever there were spaces of silence like this in her life, questions arose from inside her. Was she such a bad person at judging people? Did she trust people too easily? May be, yes. She thought. But then she fought, arguing with herself. As a teacher, wasn't she supposed to trust her students?

As she recalled the repetative events of the past few years, a tear escaped her. Where was she going wrong? Even today, she could recall that day clearly. Her doctor has diagnosed her throat problem, she wouldn't ever have the same voice. She would never be able to sing and perform in public. It had hurt. It had taken almost a year, for the pain to pass. And then, with his support and encouragement, she had decided to take up teaching music. It had opened new doors, new possibilities. When students started pouring in, her spirits had been lifted. She no longer cried for what games fate had played with her. She had found a new purpose in life. She had become a teacher.

From that day, she nurtured a wish. A wish, a hope,a search. She hoped to find one student, one day, who would carry on her legacy of music. That one person, who would be a dedicated student, a wonderful, creative singer. Through that one person, she wanted to live her dreams. She would pour out all her knowledge in music, to that person. She would make them practice. She would bring out the creativity in the person. And thus, she searched. She hoped, she wished and lived for the dream to come true one day.

Then again, her palace of dreams seem to fall so often. When some new promising student came in, her hopes would soar. 'May be she is the one I have been waiting for'. She would teach her with dedication, with love and care. She would make sure that she left no stone unturned while imparting knowledge to her. She would give them ample opportunities to grow on their own. She would steady them when they stumbled, catch them when they fell. She would see them perform on stage and feel proud. She saw herself in them. And then, the day would come when the growth of the student would stop. That day would be the day when the growth of the ego usually started. The bloated ego would find problems with her, the ego would have grown beyond her teaching. And then they would leave, having grown more than their teacher, or so they thought. They left her, because 'they wanted to make their own mark'. There would be fights and falling out when they left. They all grew too fast, so did their egos. She thought of the many similar incidents in the past and decided then and there. It had been years. It was time to give up that dream and just teach. If someone was humble enough to grow, they would, she thought.

As she was about to go back inside, she saw someone approaching her gate. A mother, and a daughter. May be the girl was about five years old. She waited at the gates as the mother approached her. The mother asked 'Namasthe Madam! My name is shyamala. I adore your music madam. I was wondering if you could teach music to my little girl.' The teacher nodded, looking at the little girl. The girl was looking at her, wide eyed. The teacher geve the little girl a pat on the head, opened the gate and let them in. As they came in to the drawing room, she asked them to sit down. And she spoke to the little girl, 'What is your name, sweetie?'. In a soft voice, the girl said, 'Veena'. The teacher looked at the mother and asked, 'Does she sing? Does she seem to like music?'. The mother nodded and said 'Very much. She sings every song that she ever hears. I don't know much about music madam, but I think my girl may have some potential.' The teacher looked at Veena and said, 'Child, can you sing a song for me?'. And then, she sang. The sweet voice of that little kid, did wonders to that heart that bled in pain. The young girl had potential indeed. After listening to that song, the teacher said. 'You have brought her here at the right age. She has potential. I will teach her all I can. Bring her here on the coming monday and I will start classes.' The mother, very happy with the answer thanked her profusely and left.

She went till the gate and bade them goodbye, giving the child a little kiss on the forehead. As she stood at the gate, looking at the retreating duo of the mother and daughter, she thought. May be this girl was the one. She would nurture her from her childhood. She would teach her all she could. She would make her a good musician. She hoped for a new beginning. Yet again.